Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
