i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Come see our sink grown plant.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
