But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
