where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
