So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
