I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
How's work?
Spinning.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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