when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
