I think im going to throw up on grandma
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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