we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
