so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Randomize
