it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
