I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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