you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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