I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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