Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
