naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Randomize
