I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
