I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
