Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
