You can't motorboat a personality
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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