I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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