piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
