I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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