Banned from zoo.
Again?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
