At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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