I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
