I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize