you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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