yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
