I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
how drunk are you?
Several
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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