just come out here and I will go home with you...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize