Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
