Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He called his prostate his "boner button".
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
