You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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