I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
