dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
