dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
