Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
