You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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