I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize