You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
