He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
