bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
