Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
What a dumb baby whore.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
