what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
