a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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