Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
