Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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