On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The air was thick with penises
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
