how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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