nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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