I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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