Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
