i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize