I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
