it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
