my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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