If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
