If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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