How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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