His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
