I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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