I wish I only lived at night.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
