We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
