my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
