But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
