It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
