The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
