you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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