so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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