I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
