3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
